October 24, 2023
How you handle mistakes and imperfections says a lot to your child about how you think about them. What you say demonstrates grace, or the absence of mercy. They are always listening, even when you talk about others (people outside the family).
A child’s perception and internal thought life determines much of their sense of self-worth. The things that are said to them contribute significantly to this equation. And their concept of self will go on with these statements for many years to come.
The purpose of this series of articles is to share a collection of things to say to your child and why they are important to say.
9. Nobody is perfect. As parents, we know this, but they don’t. Children look around them and see what they think is perfection in their parents, their friends, their teachers and coaches. As a result, they assume they are expected to be perfect. So they try, and fail, and then believe there is something wrong with them.
10. Everyone makes mistakes. They need to hear this, and that you accept that fact. Their perception of parents is often that they are perfect, and expect perfection in return. Show them otherwise.
11. I know you did your best. Acknowledge their effort. This will lessen their drive for perfection. Their best may be good enough for you, but it may not be good enough for them (there’s a reason for this).
12. I forgive you. This is big for when they hurt you or go against your wishes. Forgiveness offers a second chance when they believe they don’t deserve it. It doesn’t compute for them, but they need to learn how it works.
13. Will you forgive me? This is huge! For your child to see you humble yourself, and place them in a perceived position of power, is a defining moment. Forgiveness is a powerful dynamic in a relationship.
14. You can try again. Children sometimes believe that if they fail once, they are doomed to always fail. Encourage them to get back up and try again. Show them this works by doing so yourself.
15. Don’t be afraid to be you. My experience has been that many adolescents try to mold themselves after someone else. This is usually because they do not think they are good enough. Encourage them to embrace their own uniqueness.
16. You don’t have to be perfect to be accepted. It is important to always stress to your child that perfection is not expected. They already think you do expect perfection based on any standard you uphold. Show them you accept them even with their imperfections.
These are a little tougher, but see which ones your children respond to the most. You’ll be glad you did.
Related: 40 Things To Say To Your Child: 1 – 8
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CEO at Thrivology
Todd has a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Harding University and has been a therapist for over 22 years. He has extensive experience with teenagers and families treating relational problems, addictions and behavioral problems.
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