October 17, 2023
What you say to your child is important. Your words carry weight; the good and the bad. Our children listen to the things we say, and those words will live on with them for many years. The words we say can be uplifting, inspiring, encouraging, empowering, even illuminating. Or they can be destructive.
Do you encourage your children every day? Or do they mostly hear negative things? Its tough growing up in today’s culture. Anxiety, depression, and suicide rates are close to all time highs. Some days, a word of praise or encouragement from us may be the only positive thing they hear all day.
In this series of articles, I will share with you a collection of things to say to your child and why it is important to say them. While this is not an exhaustive list, I believe it is thorough.
1. I love you. This may seem obvious, but children really want to know. Its like they can’t hear it enough. If your child is questioning whether or not you love them, they aren’t hearing it enough.
2. I trust you. When you do, or where you can, say it. Your child needs to know where you do trust them, and where you don’t. Have conversations about the difference. Use a 0 – 10 scale to discuss trust under various conditions.
3. I admire you. Find something to admire your child for. Maybe there are many things. Find something and then let them know. The admiration of an adult, at younger ages, does wonders for the sense of self for a child.
4. I understand you. In working with teenagers for many years, their chief complaint against their parents has been that their parents don’t understand them. Seek to understand your child and what they think and what makes them tick.
5. I appreciate you. What do you appreciate about your child? Have you told them that you appreciate them in a certain way? When you do, you will notice a difference in your child.
6. I accept you for who you are. We all want to be accepted. The problem for children is that they are so often being corrected. Children will mistake correcting a behavior for disapproval of their personhood. Talk with them about the difference and let them know that you accept them.
7. I believe you. When you believe your child, let them know. Because children make mistakes, they are often suspected of more. But they are not likely being suspicious all the time. Find the moments where they are believable and let them know that you see it.
8. Thank you. When your child does what you ask, or goes out of their way, thank them. If you want them to be thankful to others, lead by example. Sometimes parents get an ego about children doing what their told just being status quo, without being thanked. Thank your child, and they will become thankful.
Try these with your children, and see what happens.
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CEO at Thrivology
Todd has a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Harding University and has been a therapist for over 22 years. He has extensive experience with teenagers and families treating relational problems, addictions and behavioral problems.
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