August 22, 2023
Peggy (not her real name) walked into my therapy office and sat on the couch. After a few pleasantries and answering some of her initial questions, I asked what we were going to be talking about. She fidgeted in the seat and grabbed a pillow from the couch. After placing it in her lap, she said very softly, “I don’t want to hurt anymore.” This was her first time in a therapy office. She was in her late 40s.
When someone shows up for therapy, they’ve decided to do so because everything they have tried hasn’t worked to solve the problem. So they need help.
According to NIMH, the goal of therapy is to gain relief from symptoms, maintain or improve daily functioning, and improve quality of life. GoodTherapy says the goal of therapy is to resolve problematic behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationship issues, and/or somatic responses (sensations in the body), as well as change self-destructive behaviors and habits, resolve painful feelings, improve your relationships, and more.
The purpose of therapy is resolution. Meaning the issues are worked all the way through to a point of resolution. And resolution means it doesn’t hurt anymore. When I was in elementary school, my finger got jammed in a giant heavy metal door. I remember the pain and the ride to the hospital in a white pickup truck. I remember the stitches, the splint, and protecting it for weeks. I remember getting the stitches out and still protecting it somewhat but having more use of it. Now, looking back, I remember all of that, but it doesn’t hurt. That is what can happen with our relational and emotional hurts also.
What Therapy Is Not
There are many therapists and counselors out there who will give you handouts about coping skills, and teach you breathing techniques, and have you point to your feelings on a feelings chart, and listen to you talk about whatever you want.
That’s not therapy.
There are also many clients who will talk about how their week went, their latest complaints about family members, stress about work, etc.
That’s not therapy either.
What Therapy Is
The work of therapy is uncovering something, exploring it, then doing something with or about it. Things like list work, writing a letter (that is not sent), having a conversation with someone, confronting one’s own thoughts and feelings, confronting where those thoughts and feelings came from and what they mean, reframing and redefining what past events mean in one’s life, and redirecting focus, attention, and effort to productive pieces of work.
Therapy is hard work! Some days, my clients tell me they don’t want to do it. But they do it anyway. And it often gets worse (feels worse) before it gets better.
The purpose of therapy is to resolve the problems and hurts of our life so that they don’t hamper our daily living and relationships. May your efforts result in the same.
CEO at Thrivology
Todd has a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Harding University and has been a therapist for over 22 years. He has extensive experience with teenagers and families treating relational problems, addictions and behavioral problems.
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