March 5, 2024
To say I am passionate about marriage, and Marriage Coaching, is an understatement!
From the honeymoon phase until “death do us part,” there is a myriad of life changes the two will walk through, both personally and as a couple. No one stands at the alter and thinks that ‘divorce’ is even a word that will ever be mentioned. And the love-struck mind of the couple is not even considering an affair.
How Marriage Coaching Works
Many marriages get to the point of feeling stuck or hopeless. Marriage Coaching can help you navigate the struggles you are facing with your spouse. The most common issues addressed are communication, lack of emotional intimacy, and feeling disconnected like they’re on two different planets. Through homework, individual assignments, and talking about family history, Marriage Coaching can help the couple get back on the same page. Marriage truly is the best partnership there is.
Two individuals who become a couple, come into it with separate sets of programming from their family of origin. Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, their family of origin will form a lot of who they are when entering into that journey of unity.
I love helping couples “unpack” what that suitcase of origin looks like so they can better understand themselves, and hopefully each other. And most importantly, “why they do what they do.” Walking through these issues in Marriage Coaching, and sometimes individually, can be a dramatic eye opener into the “why” of the struggles they are experiencing as a couple.
Let’s face it, most of us are just broken little boys and girls on the inside. And we’re just trying to figure it out the best we can, while trying to make the world see us as having it all together!
Communication seems to be the biggest stumbling block for couples who come to see me. Most of the time, one or both feel such hopelessness in their marriage that they see no way to recover. When communication stops, the walls go up. Life, memories, and stories stop being shared, and an invisible line on a battlefield gets drawn in their hearts putting them on constant defense.
Modeling from one’s family of origin can cause these patterns of interaction that they aren’t even aware of. Many simply think they are just doing the “normal” thing. Trauma, or an abuse background, can cause one to lash out, go into a “cave,” or even just become numb to their spouse. Typically, there is also a lack of trust that they are not aware of. There can also be a simple refusal to let go of the past and give up, stating, “this is just the way I am.”
I give couples homework, and sometimes individually as well. The homework is designed to help them get a bird’s eye view into their hearts and what has shaped their words, actions, and habits. We bring that work into coaching session to facilitate better communication, healthier coping skills. The goal is to increase trust and vulnerability with each other. When the couple starts feeling safe to share their heart, and the darkest and most sacred parts of their past, is when true emotional intimacy is birthed. Walls and invisible fists come down as they truly start to see their spouse as the best God given gift they’ve received.
Not For Every Situation
There are some situations where Marriage Coaching would not be the right fit. Domestic Violence, Addiction, past significant trauma involving at least one of the couple, and when divorce is imminent. Marriage Coaching is not recommended for managing a divorce process.
An elderly woman once gave me the wisest words ever spoken, “I would rather be one with you than right.” May we all have the heart to see marriage as a non-competitive arena, and as a beautiful circle of the greatest gift we could ever receive.
Related: Coaching vs. Therapy
If you believe Marriage Coaching is right for you, call our Intake Coordinator today to find out more.
Mental Health Coach at Thrivology
Lisa Marek is a Certified Life Coach, Certified Parent Coach, and SYMBIS Marriage Facilitator. She has extensive experience working with parents and youth, and also works with several ministries in the Flathead Valley helping women individually and in group settings finding their worth and a deeper connection with God.
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- Marriage Coaching - March 5, 2024