Effective Parenting: 7 Interrupters

As a parent, you want to be the most effective you can be at your job. So how much do you analyze when things don’t go well? What gets in the way of parenting at your best? When you lose it with your child, why did that happen?

All of these questions plague parents, especially when they feel like a failure. Some days are better than others. And sometimes you can see exactly what the problem is, but removing that problem can be a challenge.

Below are seven things that interrupt effective parenting. While this is not an exhaustive list, these issues show up frequently in the therapy office.

1) Insecurities: Those little things that have been gnawing at you for a long time. The things that others, including your children, use (perhaps without even knowing it) to take advantage of you. Learn what they are, resolve them, or protect them so they can’t be used against you.

2) Self-doubt: That little voice that gives you pause, that challenges your confidence. It stops you in the moment of decision from doing the right thing because of perceived inadequacy. Fight it, so you can practice doing the right thing time and time again which will help create more confidence.

3) Time: There just isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done. Time management and organization are tough for many. Sometimes it is a choice between time with your child or getting something done for yourself. Choose wisely.

4) Listening: I am sure you hear many things, but do you truly listen? Your children are always communicating their needs, verbally and otherwise. They may not always be communicating them in the best way, but they are communicating. Listen to their needs, not their words or tone of voice.

5) Self-control: I’m not talking about chocolate here. Lack of self-control in parenting creates decisions that are not based on what is best for the child or the relationship. Self-control doesn’t always feel good, but it is much more powerful than self-esteem.

6) Boundaries: Can you recognize when a situation has nothing to do with you, but only the other person? Responsibility does not always rest on you. Let others be responsible when and where they should be, which will give you more time and energy. More about boundaries.

7) Awareness: Not being aware limits your choices. Sometimes we go through our day on automatic pilot, just out of habit or sometimes convenience. Being more aware could change the course of an interaction and spark a new journey for both of you.

Notice that all of those are things you control about yourself, not your child. Effective parenting is not about your child, it is about you. If you aren’t aware of how these things affect your everyday, I suggest you become a student of yourself. Study yourself, and how your thoughts and feelings and behaviors are all connected, and how they impact your child.

This is just a beginning point. If you don’t know what is getting in your way, how effective of a parent can you really be?

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Todd Call

CEO at Thrivology

Todd has a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Harding University and has been a therapist for over 22 years. He has extensive experience with teenagers and families treating relational problems, addictions and behavioral problems.