June 6, 2023
Had a hard day? Bad news? Frustrated or anxious? You need coping skills!
Coping skills are tools you use to deal with distressing and upsetting events or news in your daily life. There are numerous coping skills, and they can be unique to each person. The coping skills listed in this article are the most popular simply because these are the ones most people use and use most often. They are also the ones most often suggested by counselors and therapists.
Talking
Talking with a trusted family member, friend, mentor, counselor, etc. allows your brain to continue processing the information, to keep working it out. The simple act of saying something out loud can also help to decrease the intensity and stress of it. Talking it out can also help you hear your own thoughts, which can make them more clear. A listening ear also provides a check, someone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of as well as interpretations.
Writing
Whether through journaling, poetry, free writing or letters, writing gives the brain another way to process information and think things through. For some, writing is more precise. It usually takes longer to put something down in writing and you tend to be more specific toward what you’re really trying to say. Writing has the added benefit of leaving a trail that can show you the progression of your own thoughts, emotions, and changes in perception.
Music
There is a reason why they say that music soothes the savage beast… because it works! Music engages a different part of the brain. Whether listening to or playing music, it can change your mood, clarify thoughts, or prompt new ones, and calm the nerves. Because music is so powerful, it could also influence toward the negative, so know where the music is heading.
Exercise
Getting the blood pumping is not only a good way to get your mind off of something, it engages hormones and endorphins that change your body chemistry and make you feel better. This could be as simple as going for a brisk walk. But of course, it can also include more strenuous exercise like running, playing racquetball, dancing, or lifting weights. A common recommendation given by doctors to their patients with depression is exercise. Watch out though, it can be addicting. It can also turn into a form of escaping from problems instead of dealing with them.
Distraction
What happens when a baby or toddler is crying and then a toy or food is offered as a distraction? They forget whatever they were crying about because this new thing has their attention. Distraction can be as simple as watching TV or playing a game, or reading a book. Anything to directly take your mind off of whatever was upsetting or distressing. One caution… if distraction is used exclusively, it can turn into perpetual avoidance. Distraction is best used for getting through a moment, which allows you the time to get to a better location or head space where you can engage a different coping skill.
Self-Destructive Coping Mechanisms
These coping mechanisms work to take the distress or upset away in the short term, but typically have much bigger negative consequences in the long term. Drinking excessive alcohol, illicit drug use and over/under eating are self-destructive coping mechanisms, also referred to as escape mechanisms. Escape mechanisms help you avoid the problem instead of dealing constructively with the upset, distress, or problem.
Employing coping skills is something we naturally do, whether we are problem solving or avoiding something. The question is, are we using healthy coping skills versus destructive ones.
Happy coping!
CEO at Thrivology
Todd has a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Harding University and has been a therapist for over 22 years. He has extensive experience with teenagers and families treating relational problems, addictions and behavioral problems.
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