August 20, 2024
“I lost everything. My divorce left me with the feeling and belief that I was in a deep well I couldn’t climb out of,” said my client in emotional pain. Loneliness can happen when you lose relationships, jobs, or possessions. It will leave you feeling alone.
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a state of solitude. It is a state of mind which makes it more difficult to form connections with others. We live in an age of social media where it is easy to “friend me”, have several or many “followers” on Instagram, and still go home to a lonely house and a lack of personal friendships. In a social media connected world, you can still experience a lack of friendships. Loneliness.
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines lonely as, “being without company – cut off from others – sad from being alone.” We all need friendships, yet for many people it is tough to make and maintain friendships that are not online; friendships which will get you through hard times. This can lead a person to feel socially lonely and often invisible.
Miriam Kirmayer states, “Loneliness has less to do with being alone and much more to do with the experience of feeling unseen.” Consider the large scale problem of loneliness:
The Impact of Loneliness
Loneliness is a major health concern. Physical concerns such as heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, obesity, and reduced ability to fight off infection are impacted. Loneliness has been found to be contagious, like chicken pox or measles. Degrees of separation influences the potential of loneliness. The following chart shows that it can be contagious and the closer a friend who is lonely can increase the likelihood of you being lonely.
Dealing with Loneliness
Forming friendships should not be a source of stress. It should be something that may offer important comfort in times of loneliness. Here are some steps to deal with loneliness in your life.
- Making intentional efforts at finding lasting friendships. Volunteering can provide benefits including meeting others and being part of a group.
- Be a friend to make a friend by smiling, making eye contact and giving genuine compliments to others.
- Be Active in community events that involve other people and have positive effects on your mental health.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again by being consistent and intentional in attempts at making a friend. It might not have immediate results, but that doesn’t doom you to failure.
- Change your routine may include activities you’re interested in in order to connect with others who share your interests.
True friendship is acknowledging and addressing the inherent worth of the other person(s). Famed writer C.S. Lewis concluded a sermon on loneliness by making the following points:
- Engage in real and meaningful friendships.
- Relationships are the hidden source of the love that goes beyond surface level relationships.
- Relationships remind us of the love God has toward us. (PDF here)
In truth, the gift of friendship reflects God’s love and grace. It is a highway upon which this love connects people together.
Related: The Purpose Of Therapy
If you need to talk with someone about loneliness, give us a call.
Director of Training at Thrivology, Inc.
Dr. Weston has over 43 years in ministry and 26 years of experience in counseling. He has a PhD in Psychology and Counseling. His experience includes marriage and family counseling, men’s issues, and counseling clergy who struggle with emotional distress. Dr. Weston is also an Adjunct Professor for Liberty University, and also locally for Montana Christian College. Dr. Weston has travelled annually to many countries teaching at different universities, and conducting marriage workshops and intensives. He is a National Certified Counselor, and holds membership with the ACA and AACC.
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- Loneliness Is Real - August 20, 2024